Maomao's blog

Took mc today. Not that I absolutely needed it but took it anyway cuz there was simply too much to do in terms of my personal life. Haven't gotteny
Ic/drivers license issue sorted out. Theres still my SMC card, repairing the camera, etc. Just too too much. And anyway I did have GE. Just that I recovered.

Surprisingly I actually feel really good not being in the hosp. I'm not post call, so
I could actually enjoy my time out. It's really damn shiok. But I guess this is all in preparation for next week where it's gonna be hell trying to survive in the market place.

Tempted to go pole today. But I guess baby needed me more. Shall give it a miss. Can save money somemore. Haha

Since work started, I felt like I've put my personal life aside. Totally dun have energy n time to really care how I look like, how's stuff at home. It's hard to even care abt baby's work n fam which is really bad. Im still adjusting. N it's taking way too long. And then there's the question if I'm
Really gonna do paeds. And if I am, I need to take the freaking exam. Which means more studying. Actually it will e at the pefdct time, when I'm
Doing ktph Ortho: super slack place. Haha okay. Shall just give it try then. :)

First day of work. N I didn't bring my work phone. Zzz

Lesson learnt. Never ever go
Clubbing
With your boyfriend. 9/10 times
He'd be angry with u for some shot that u are doing in the club. Unless he's
Some kinda saint.

U ruined it. Bow I can't even have in with girls? Fuck. She pushed her tongue into
My
Mouth. U totally need to relax.

U are ruining my last clubbing exp. Big time.

Today. I put on my labcoat for the last time, I step into the hospital last time as a medical student. Today, I realize the next time I see a patient, I'll actually be in charge of him/her. Today, I realize I'm gonna be called dr fan.

Liar liar pants on fire. Yes u.
Won't be able to take your daily crap anymore. If it happens tmr again, I'm going to leave.

I love u

U really screwed with my head an my sleep today. I cant say it to your face. But I do hate you. I hate your fucking pride that won't allow u to back down And just apologize for what u did. U cant even see that u truly forgot to even recognize that I need help. Nvm what u can do or cannot do. U didn't even know. So
Much for starting a fresh. U are still just too thick in your own ways. I hate talking to u. I dont want to see u. Hate u. Hate u. Hate u.

U mean u didn't know that I needed help? U didn't sense the desperation in my voice when I cried to u at the embassy?

The night before ytd, I slapped Yao. It's te first time I ve ever ever slapped anyone. It's the first time that he was being slapped. I dunno what came over me. I dunno what went through my head. In fact, the thought floated across my head numerous times but I supressed it. But I guess I was just so exhausted on that day, and too much has accumulated over those 2 days that I just wasn't thinking anymore. I knew it was wrong the moment my hand hit his face, the moment his angered expression changed to one that's filled with shock then hurt then back to anger. The hurt look that's on his face, though we didn't have lights on, it's something that I'd never forget. I've never ever seen that on his face before. He stormed outta the house. His parent woke up and chased after him. I packed my house. Ready to leave for the very last time and never come back. Cuz I knew then and there, it's over..
He packed everything. All the stuff that we shared. Stuff that had memories of two of us. All the presents, all the photos. It was horrible. He was so angry that he tore all the photos that we took. All the way back to when it all started.. And then u broke down.. Anger gave way to sadness and nostalgia, to pity. I had to hug u. I had to hug u cuz I didn't know what to say, what else to do. I know at that point of time, I can't leave u. I can't live without u. And it's my fault. No matter what happened, no matter what transpired between the two of us, I shouldnt have slapped u. God knows how much I regretted doing that.. I gave way to your demands. I took a look at our surrounding and it just reminded me of the MTV of love the way you lie. Minus the fire but worse.
Next day I apologized to her. We talked abt the whole thing face to face for the first time. We all knew we could be such good friends. We could be so so close cuz we are so similar. But cuz of him, it became impossible. She told me if it was Her, she wouldn't even make the same choice that I did 2 years ago cuz she knew there's gonna be so so much trouble later on. But I made my choice. I gotta live with it. I promised her I'd trust u more ad really try to get on and forget abt the past. I promised myself that. We hugged. For the first time. Gosh. That was really the most memorable 24hrs of my life..

I promise that I'd try to move on. I pray that I'd be a more loving person. To love in God's way. I swear I'd never do the same thing to u or to anyone again.